Rough Draft What do you get when you have kids eating terrible tasting lunches at Lumen Christi Catholic School? You have grossed out kids! All the time kids get in line at the lunch line expecting a delicious lunch like they have at home, but end up disappointed. Not many people want to eat the lunches served. They would rather throw it out and be famished for the rest of the day. The problem is Lumen Christi doesn’t have a very good lunch service.
The lunches that kids especially don’t like include stadium dog on a bun, corn dogs, turkey and gravy, pizza pasta bake, and many others. When you receive these meals on your tray they look crusty, soggy, and disgusting. Not only do they look unappealing they sometimes taste as stale as a lonesome chip sitting on a dusty shelf.
I have decided to try to help this food crisis and talk to my principal about how kids strongly dislike our school’s lunch service. Depending on what she says, I may be able to help fix the lunch system. We could look for a new service, or we could also tell the lunch company we are not happy with their service. If the principle says, “no” to the first solution to our lunch company issue we can think of another idea. What I could also do is get people to sign a petition. If we got enough people to sign the petition we could look into finding a different lunch service. (How does a signed petition automatically mean you can find a different lunch service?)
If we talk to the lunch service maybe they would consider putting more work and money into making our meals and we would be able to keep their company for our school. If the company doesn’t agree to that we could go online and look up “Lunch companies for schools” and find a new company.
Lumen Christi’s lunch system can be resolved if we do any of my solutions. If these changes are made the students at Lumen Christi will be well fed and be full of energy for whatever the day might bring.
Ideas 5 You clearly state the problem and your solution; Organization 5: Word Choice 4 Very good at the beginning but it began to wane afther the third paragraph Voice 4 Some good instances of specific descriptions, but could also use more of it at the end of the essay, Fluency 3 most sentences are about the same length; conventions 4 misspellings in a few places. use of contractions Total = 25 = B
Problem-Solution Essay
Aaron's Gift Test
Rough Draft
What do you get when you have kids eating terrible tasting lunches at Lumen Christi Catholic School? You have grossed out kids!
All the time kids get in line at the lunch line expecting a delicious lunch like they have at home, but end up disappointed. Not many people want to eat the lunches served. They would rather throw it out and be famished for the rest of the day. The problem is Lumen Christi doesn’t have a very good lunch service.
The lunches that kids especially don’t like include stadium dog on a bun, corn dogs, turkey and gravy, pizza pasta bake, and many others. When you receive these meals on your tray they look crusty, soggy, and disgusting. Not only do they look unappealing they sometimes taste as stale as a lonesome chip sitting on a dusty shelf.
I have decided to try to help this food crisis and talk to my principal about how kids strongly dislike our school’s lunch service. Depending on what she says, I may be able to help fix the lunch system. We could look for a new service, or we could also tell the lunch company we are not happy with their service. If the principle says, “no” to the first solution to our lunch company issue we can think of another idea. What I could also do is get people to sign a petition. If we got enough people to sign the petition we could look into finding a different lunch service. (How does a signed petition automatically mean you can find a different lunch service?)
If we talk to the lunch service maybe they would consider putting more work and money into making our meals and we would be able to keep their company for our school. If the company doesn’t agree to that we could go online and look up “Lunch companies for schools” and find a new company.
Lumen Christi’s lunch system can be resolved if we do any of my solutions. If these changes are made the students at Lumen Christi will be well fed and be full of energy for whatever the day might bring.
Ideas 5 You clearly state the problem and your solution; Organization 5: Word Choice 4 Very good at the beginning but it began to wane afther the third paragraph Voice 4 Some good instances of specific descriptions, but could also use more of it at the end of the essay, Fluency 3 most sentences are about the same length; conventions 4 misspellings in a few places. use of contractions
Total = 25 = B